A Walk

I turn the handle and exit the building, the cold surrounds me as I walk down the ramp and away from the door. Standing on the sidewalk I peel the mask from my face and breathe in the frozen air as the sun hits my skin. Finally a day filled with sunshine, it might be cold out but at least it is bright. I’m not sure how I have been able to survive this month so full of dark and snowy days. 

My feet turn and start to head along the familiar path that I take on walks, I notice that a lot of other people seem to have had the same idea that I did today. This time of year a slice of sun sends people outside hopeful that this means that the weather is going to start to be better. 

Time to decompress. I turn my music up a little as I take a few deep breaths. Time to forget about my worries for little. My anxieties won’t completely disappear but I know that getting out and focusing on something else will help me to give my mind a break.  

Why does January have to be so hard? I can’t focus and I’m not motivated to do basically anything. This month has felt so long and I feel like I have done nothing. I am so glad that it is only a couple more days and it will be over. Not that the move into February will instantly make everything better but at least there are things to look forward to in February. 

Someone hasn’t shovelled their sidewalk very well and I have to concentrate on not falling as I step on the ice that has formed over the concrete. I really should have boots that grip better but I love my boots so I know that I will never get snow boots. Soon it won’t matter anyway, the sidewalks will be clear again. 

I smile at every dog that passes. One of my favourite parts of walks is seeing all the dogs, if I can’t have one of my own I am at least going to smile at all of them I see while out. I don’t know if dog owners can see how the sight of their pup brings a bit of joy to others but I hope that it is at least a bit evident.

At a stoplight I pull off one of my mitts so that I can look at my new nail polish in the sun. Somedays it feels like Holo Taco nail polish is one of the only things that makes me feel happy. I hope that doesn’t sound sad. At least I have some small glimmer of happiness in these dark days and you really do need to grasp on to happiness wherever you can find it.

I am tired but the movement is invigorating. It feels so good to stretch and move my muscles. I don’t have much space to move inside my tiny apartment. One of my favourite songs start to play and I find myself starting to smile slightly. I think that this walk really is doing me some good. 

I pull my scarf tighter as I cross the bridge. The wind is strong and I feel myself tilting my head down trying to block out the cold breeze. I like to take off my mask so that I can have a bit of fresh air but I have to say that masks sure do keep your face warm in the winter. I guess compromise is inevitable in every aspect of life. 

Continuing on my favourite path I am soon at the lake. It feels even colder next to the ice and I know that I won’t last long in this place. I take a moment and lean against the fence that is next to the frozen water. Facing the seemingly endless expanse I project my worries out into the blue. Maybe the ice will freeze my worries for a little while so that I can have break. As the wind whips my face I take a couple of deep breaths and then turn to move on.

Soon I am back at the door to my building. The walk is over too quickly and I sigh as I hook my mask back around my ears. I feel the warmth wash over me as soon as I open the door and I make my way to my apartment. As I pull off my coat I notice that there is still a small ray of sun making its way across the wall, the last grasp at daylight. Soon the sun will be gone and the contrast between the dark and the lights of the buildings out my window will be my view. 

And with that the sun disappears from my wall and slowly night approaches. Hopefully the lake will hold onto my worries long enough for me to be able to fall asleep.